Have you ever sat and really reflected on the way that you think? If it’s something simple like a sunny, 95-degree day, do you complain about how hot it is or do you express gratitude because it’s not raining and gloomy? With bigger things like your business, do you talk to people who offer the same or similar services about the way they do things in their business or even see how you can collaborate with them, or do you look at them as direct competition and steer clear? No matter if it’s something simple or more complex, the way you think about things will determine how successful you are as a business owner. It’s not that simple though. You really have to dig deep to see why you think the way you do. Mastering your mindset is key to success but before I explain why, let me dig a little deeper about what exactly I mean about mindset.
What I Mean By Mindset
Mindset is more than being optimistic and looking at the glass half full. To me, it’s really about the way you feel about yourself. The way you feel about yourself will be reflected in all that you do – I can promise you that!
One of my favorite sayings is “To think is to create”. I heard it in 2019 when I did a 3-day seminar with PSI. That seminar had a huge impact on me and really made me think about why I thought the way I did. It made me realize that I wasn’t looking deep enough within myself. You see, I had a pretty adverse childhood and I bring that up to say that it really shaped the way I thought about things. It helped me in so many ways when I looked at the world around me. I always had my own back and if I put my mind to something, well, there wasn’t really anything that was going to stop me. I thought it was a pretty good mindset to have…until it wasn’t.
My Aha Moment
During this seminar, I realized that while I developed this drive, it was because I didn’t trust anyone. I always thought that I always had to do things myself. I didn’t want to allow others in because when they would let me down, it reiterated the belief that I had about me not being worthy enough for others. This feeling of unworthiness lead to me having low-self esteem, self-sabotaging and so many other things that I created as a defense mechanism to protect myself. Continuing to think this way about myself made me feel like I was hitting a wall over and over again. I felt stuck, both personally and professionally, and had these big dreams but couldn’t figure out to get to the next level until I started doing a lot of healing.
My Journey to a Better Way of Thinking
One of the moments I had in the seminar I attended, I will never forget. The light bulb went off and at that moment, I knew I had more crap to deal with than I thought I did. In a nutshell, I realized I wasn’t applying myself completely because if I didn’t give something my all and it didn’t work out, I had the excuse of “well, I didn’t even put everything into it so of course it failed”. I was doing this because I didn’t feel that I was worthy of better things. I felt uncomfortable with the success that I had already had. I felt that my family was judging me, I’d lose friends, and so on. I didn’t even realize that I was self-sabotaging but I was and at that point, I knew I had to change.
What I Changed
I was already attending counseling sessions but I needed more. I needed to start incorporating things into my life that reminded me daily that I deserved the best, that I had a lot to contribute to the world and by not giving things my all, I was robbing from others which was heartwrenching to me. To break this cycle I started:
- Reading more to learn more about myself.
- Books like Attached, My Grandmother’s Hands, Boundaries and The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (I became fascinated with learning about trauma and how we deal with it)
- Reciting about 15 affirmations that I have on the back of my vanity mirror.
- Doing regular yoga.
- Attending self-care classes.
- Doing creative things like painting, puzzles, diamond painting.
- Exercising regularly.
- Lighting a candle with essential oils while I work.
- Spending more time with friends and family.
- Doing more personal development courses.
Doing these things allowed my body and mind to begin to heal. They allowed me to slow down and not be on autopilot all the time. I was able to process what my day was like instead of going through the motions. I learned to respond instead of react, and most of all, I learned how to be alone with myself. I didn’t need to stay occupied all the time so I didn’t have to face my actual feelings.
The 5 Mindset Components
Allowing myself the space to process allowed me to really dig deep within myself and learn why I had the thoughts about myself that I did and move past them. Then, I was able to have the following 5 components be a part of my new mindset, which I feel are the core to being successful:
- A Healthy Self-Esteem – I learned that everyone is on their own journey and that people do the best they can at that time. Therefore, I cannot allow what they’re capable of to determine what I believe about myself. Self-esteem, to me, is what comes of the internal dialogue we have with ourselves on a daily basis. I learned to be kind to myself and that resulted in a high and healthy self-esteem.
- I am worthy – This is my favorite because when you think you are worthy of having something great, it’s the best feeling in the world to work towards it and achieve it. It keeps fueling you over and over and you just keep going and going. Also, when you show up as feeling worthy, those around you treat you as being worthy, too!
- I can’t do it alone – I got over my issues around not wanting to let anyone it. I learned to listen to my gut and not ignore red flags. I learned that not all people only look out for themselves and that there are people that actually want to see you succeed and happy! If I had not changed my way of thinking around asking for help, I would have never been able to grow C3 to where it is now.
- Self-care is not optional – When you think you have no time to get some self-care in, that’s when you need it the most! No matter how long your to-do list is, take the time for self-care. It allows you to process which in turn allows you to be creative and let your body rest for a minute. It has so many benefits and taking time out can actually make your day more productive.
- To Think Is To Create – I think this is the most important! No matter what you think, good or bad, you are going to create it. Be mindful of your thoughts, the way you talk to yourself, and what you say. Words do matter! Take time to think about what you want – whether it’s to be healed of a sickness, live in a particular house, drive a certain car, travel to Paris for a month…whatever it is, think about it and it will manifest!
Remember that your mindset is key and I hope 2021 is the best year yet for you!